Hello friends,
I know it’s been a while since you’ve heard from me or the Farmer clan, a situation I deeply regret. I feel obliged to come clean with you about what’s transpired in the past few months without getting wrapped up in details and exposing my personal life. That’s the stuff that stays with me, behind closed doors. But I can say that some of those details ARE keeping me from telling the best stories I can and y’all, as faithful readers, deserve better than that from me.
In late January, I had announced that I had a family emergency and needed to take an unplanned break from writing. I alluded to this in the post called Something Different, where I’d come across a writing prompt from WordPress and decided to answer it. In that response, I dropped a bomb that I didn’t thoroughly explain. I’m sorry about leaving it, and the explanation, so horribly undone.
I’ve been candid about my struggle with chronic pain, a battle I’m now happily waging without opioid pain medications. What you might not know (how could you, after all?) is that my husband has Multiple Sclerosis. For those unfamiliar with the condition, it’s autoimmune in nature and causes an immune response that attacks the myelin—the sheath that surrounds and protects the nerves and brain cells—in the central nervous system. Though there are treatments available, there is no cure. He’s been fighting this monster since 2015, when an abnormal MRI showed lesions, or scleroses, on his spinal cord.
As a result, he’s been dealing with depression that often accompanies a life-altering diagnosis. I wasn’t aware of how bad things had gotten until the evening of January 21, when he took a full bottle of pain medication and a full bottle of another medication. In the days that followed the “event,” as I have taken to calling it, I experienced every single emotion on the spectrum. He spent five days in ICU, and was discharged a day shy of two full weeks in the hospital.
When he first came home, I had so much unresolved emotion; guilt, anger, sadness, and incredible pain. We were forced into a new normal that I still deal with today. Hopefully, some restrictions he’s faced since that day will be lifted soon, and we can resume life—different as it may be—in the best way for us.
His medical team has been no less than professional and amazing at getting him the help he’s needed to navigate life post-event. However, the same cannot be said for mine. I’ve struggled with a lack of care and support on my end. Everyone has been sympathetic, but the tools I’ve needed aren’t available to me like they are to him. It’s a huge condemnation of the private-sector mental health system.
When I published Arthur’s story, I thought I felt well enough to continue writing Destiny’s story; almost five months later, I’m still struggling to put this behind me. Rest assured, I’m still VERY invested in this project, and I will continue my Legacy as soon as I’m able. But until that day comes, I need to take some time for myself to heal and decompress from the events that started the worst year I’ve had in a very long time.
There is one acknowledgement I need to make, because without this person, I wouldn’t be nearly as grounded as I am today. To Chris—my partner-in-crime, mentor, editor, and friend—thank you for being my rock, and for having my back during this difficult journey. No one else has been here for me like you have, and I owe you a debt of gratitude.
I’ll still be around, working on the plots to Destiny’s story, and perhaps lurking around on the blog doing some cleanup as I see things are needed. I will probably take new screenshots for the Facebook page; Charlie, Fran, Destiny, and Arthur have already seen makeovers and new character profile shots. I will continue to read and keep up with all of your wonderful stories and legacies, too. But just in case I don’t get to publish things how I’d like to, and in my planned timeframes, you know why.
If you’re the praying type—whatever that looks like to you—or if kind thoughts or healing light are more your thing, I’d appreciate some being sent my way. I will be back, because my stories and this blog are the very glue that tether me to reality, as unreal as that sounds. Keep an eye out here for updates and news about my return to the blog. It’s a comeback I’m looking forward to making, for Destiny’s sake, and for mine.
I appreciate all of you. Thank you for your unending patience, support, and love in this tough era of my life. I hope the wait will be worth it.
